Christmas Recap

We stayed home for Christmas this year. We knew we were leaving the day after Christmas, and would see my family in January so we stayed home. It was so nice!

Santa came and brought lots of goodies! Madeline and Ethan both got chairs and Madeline got a baby in a car seat which is all she asked for! Oh and an umbrella...she has wanted an umbrella since we moved here. 

I finally woke her up at 9:00...she was beside herself with excitement on Christmas Eve and I think she just crashed. Sweet girl! 

This was by far the most fun Christmas...she was WAY into it and so was Gizmo! 

I got her a box of 35 colors of play doh...it was the first thing she opened and she wanted to show us every color. Every.Single.One. 

Me and my babies. Madeline helped Ethan open his presents! 

Phoebe patiently waiting for her gifts....

Her favorite gift was the umbrella...still is. 

This sweet boy gave me the best smiles on Christmas morning! 

We went to Terry's aunt's house for lunch...they made seafood and it was delicious. Ethan got to meet a lot of his relatives. He got lots of loving! 

He was loving this swing outside! 

Then this happened...it's exhausting being a baby! 

Sweet boy! 

Christmas night we went to my friend Amy's house. It's so nice to be close again , and their family has been like family to us for so many years. They fried chicken and had mashed potatoes, salad, and home made rolls...it was the best! We are so grateful to have friends who treat us like family! 

It was a good Christmas!!! 

Winter Vacay 2015

In October our friends asked us if we'd like to go to the mountains on vacation the week after Christmas. I made sure to warn them that we'd have a newborn but they have three kids and were all about it. So the day after Christmas we headed to Gatlinburg, Tennessee for a week. We had SO much fun! 

These girls are so cute and have so much fun together...we stopped at Cracker Barrel on the way. Terry set up the Jelly Belly game for me and Amy to play in my car and he mixed in bean boozed jelly beans without telling us. I got vomit and it was the WORST! I could have killed him! 

We got to the cabin around 6pm and this little guy was mad!! He was so gassy and screamed for a good two hours! Good thing he's so cute! 

Sunday we went to Cade's Cove and walked around in the woods! It was so fun, and Ethan LOVED it. He loves being outside! Of course, Madeline was in heaven too! 

I think Terry was walking like an Egyptian...I'm not sure. haha

The pictures don't do it justice but gosh it is gorgeous there! 

The next day was Madeline's birthday and we got her a little surprise and some balloons. She was so cute about her birthday this year. She knew it was her special day and she must have told me and everyone else a thousand times! 

How has 5 years gone by so quickly? I could not love her more...

She requested pancakes for her birthday meal and hot dogs for dinner! haha So that's what we did...Gatlinburg is known for their pancake houses and the one we went to did not disappoint. It was amazing!!! 

That night we grilled hot dogs and sausage per her request...my girl is so high class! :) 

Her big gift was going to Dollywood while we were there. We went the next day since the weather was supposed to be nice, and every other person in the area had the same idea. It was seriously worse than Disney...it was nuts! 

Ethan snoozed his way through most of the day! 

He did wake up for a quick smile...and to eat of course! He gives the cutest smiles...he turns his head to the side and just grins from ear to ear. I love it! 

My girl and me :) 

Family photo...so hard to get a good one! haha

My lifelong friend and me! 

We got to see Rudolph's girlfriend and some other guy in the kids' Christmas area...Madeline loved it! 

Terry stopped at an airbrush stand and had them make him a t-shirt that said "This is the worst" with a sad face on it and people cracked up all over the park when they saw him. He wore it over his jacket! haha He's so crazy! 

Once it got dark and cold, people left in droves and we really started having fun. But prior to that, it really was miserable...the lines were so long even to get food or a drink. After dark though, the lines were virtually gone and we were riding rides and getting right back on them with no wait. I am so glad we stayed! 

The other perk of staying was the gorgeous lights. It was beautiful! 

We played some games too and Madeline caught this fish! 

On the way out, Terry made all my dreams come true and got us a funnel cake on the way out. So good!! 

The next day we went shopping and to the Island which is a bunch of shops and restaurants and it is gorgeous. There are fountains that shoot up to music and it is so pretty! 

 Sweet girls! 

This sweet boy woke up to give me a smile! 

The next day was Evie's birthday and New Year's Eve and we rested a lot of the day. We watched football and made good food. Both girls took a long nap and then we went to get cupcakes for Evie's birthday! 

This guy passed out way before midnight! :) 

New Year's Day we hit up the go carts and seriously it was the best thing ever! I think that was the most fun thing we did all week! 

We ate at a local pizza place for lunch and it was delicious! 

Then we headed to the knife store...aka my worst nightmare. Weapons everywhere...stuffed dead animals everywhere. Not my thing but we made the best of it! It was SO cold and little E looked so cute bundled up. I couldn't resist a selfie! 

These girls found the stuffed animals and posed! 

Again...couldn't resist! He's so cute! 

We made a big dinner that night and packed up while the guys took the kids for more go carts. We headed home first thing Saturday. We had SO much fun, but I was so glad to be home! 

This little cutie made it his mission to NOT sleep at night! :) 

It was a perfect end to the year!!! 

The Final Chapter

November was one of the best and worst months of my life this year. I haven't written about it because honestly, I just feel like a broken record. The week before Ethan was born, I was feeling so weird. I would be at work and have horrible dizzy spells, and have to sit down. One night Terry and sat down to dinner and my heart started racing, I felt completely panicked, and started throwing up. These symptoms went on for about two weeks before I finally went to the doctor. My blood pressure was really high at his office so he ordered a bunch of labs and told me to continue checking my blood pressure at work when things were calmer. Well that was on a Friday and then our birth mom went into labor and Ethan was born that Monday so I never got the blood work done. Everyone who knew what was going on, including my doctor, chalked it up to stress.

Fast forward to the week after we brought Ethan home, I was still having dizzy spells. I knew something wasn't right and on a whim took a pregnancy test. It was hot pink positive right away. I freaked out and Terry just died laughing. We were SO overwhelmed but so excited at the same time. Madeline has been my only other pregnancy when I wasn't already having issues at the time I found out, so I honestly felt really good about this pregnancy. I got into my doctor the same day I found out, and he refused to prescribe progesterone and said I would need to wait until the base could see me which is typically around 12 weeks. It was so stressful and I finally got a doctor I work with to call in progesterone for me. I had started having intermittent side pain at this point. 

My levels were rising but not quite as high as they wanted them to but I had no bleeding so we tried to remain optimistic. My ultrasound did not show an embryo in my uterus but since it was still early, no one freaked. They did mention a "giant cyst" on my right ovary. The following week, I started having intense pain on my right side that gradually got worse and worse. By lunch time I had to call Terry to come home, and in my gut I knew it was all over. This time though I had so much more pain than I had ever had in the past. Terry wanted to call an ambulance but I didn't want Madeline to be scared so I drove myself to the ER. I was almost hysterical by the time I got to the hospital and could barely walk...no previous miscarriage or even labor hurt like I was hurting. I knew something was really wrong. 

Turns out something had ruptured - they think the pregnancy was on my right ovary and ruptured but theres no way to know for sure. What they do know is I was bleeding internally - hence the terrible pain, and would have to stay in the hospital and likely have surgery the next day. I have never been hospitalized and I was terrified. My doctors were amazing and Terry was perhaps the best he's ever been through the whole ordeal. My blood counts stayed high enough that I didn't need blood or surgery and my pregnancy numbers showed the following day that the pregnancy was definitely over. I was discharged the following day, the day before Thanksgiving. They gave me pain medication and told me to expect the physical symptoms of the miscarriage to begin anytime after discharge. They came right after we finished Thanksgiving dinner, and it was terrible. I was so thankful they gave me pain medication this time. 

Honestly, I was so pissed about it. Why would God let this happen to us? Again. Right after Terry's dad died and the week after we brought home our baby? I didn't understand and I was so mad. I never wanted to be pregnant so to allow me to get pregnant and take it back was so painful. Why? I will never know. What I do know is that when I decided to look up from my pain, all I could see is how blessed we are. I don't believe I will ever know this side of heaven why God placed us on this journey. But He is so good, we are so blessed and both of our kids are miracles. 

Physically, I have healed just fine and emotionally I am better too. Spiritually, I am really working on it. I have started to dig into God's Word and just started Breaking Free by Beth Moore. We also decided that we are closing the door on any chance of getting pregnant again. I feel like our family is complete, and I want to move past this in my life. I am so thankful for my children, and I know that there are so many women who are never able to even have one child. I try to keep it all in perspective. 

One huge blessing that came from all of this is Terry's boss took him off a deployment he was supposed to go on in February. They called him in when he went back to work and told him someone had offered to take his place. I never mentioned his deployment on the blog  but we've known he was leaving since around October. We are immensely grateful he gets to stay home. My parents also came in and helped tremendously with Ethan. They cooked Thanksgiving and just took a load off of us. And my sweet Terry....he drives me insane, but when I was at my lowest, physically and emotionally, he rubbed my back, brought me my medicine, wiped my tears, and helped me see beyond my pain. I cannot imagine doing this life with anyone but him. So we are glad to say good-bye to 2015 and are looking forward to what God has in store for us this year.